Well-Intentioned but Harmful: The Parenting Habit That Sabotages College Success
Okay parents, this is going to be a tough one, and you may have some less‑than‑positive feelings about it at first. Hang in there with me. There’s a loving compromise at the end.
Here’s some context. I have been an academic counselor for 15 years and counting. I’ve worked with many students and many parents. I’ve seen a wide range of parenting styles up close.
The more “classic” parenting styles are:
Authoritarian parenting – very strict, inflexible.
Authoritative parenting – warm and nurturing, but sets age‑appropriate boundaries.
Permissive parenting – very affectionate and child‑centered, with limited boundaries.
Uninvolved parenting – lacks affection and boundaries.
More modern terms you might hear are:
Positive parenting – sets clear rules, but fosters warm relationships and positive reinforcement.
Gentle parenting - validates emotions, fosters a deep empathetic connection, is the emotional anchor.
Helicopter parenting – overly involved; allows children to do things while hovering and quickly correcting/preventing mistakes.
Attachment parenting – extreme proximity and responsiveness to children.
You can decide for yourself where you fall. Realistically, most of us are a mix depending on the situation.
That said, there’s another style I see more and more—and I’ve watched people talk about it on social media. As an educator, let me just say: please stop. This style is hurting your kids’ ability to develop key skills they will need as functional adults.
I call these bulldozer parents.
Bulldozer parenting is somewhere between helicopter and attachment parenting. These are parents who do everything for their kids without giving them the opportunity to figure things out on their own.
Here’s a real example of what I’ve personally witnessed:
A parent wants to help their child get ahead and also save money on college expenses, so they sign their student up for dual enrollment. The parent completes the college admissions application, creates the student login, and registers the student for classes. All the student has to do is “show up” to the online class.
Seems reasonable, right?
Here’s the problem: Because the child didn’t set up the student account, they don’t know how to access it. Often, they can’t access it because the parent used their own phone number and email address for two‑factor authentication. Class begins, and the student doesn’t even realize it. They either:
Get dropped from the class they wanted, or worse,
Stay enrolled, never log in, and end up with an F.
That F goes on the student’s permanent college transcript. It can impact admission to other schools and financial aid eligibility.
I wish I were making this story up, but I’ve seen this—or versions of it—dozens of times.
Although well‑intentioned, parents are causing real harm. Sometimes it’s the academic record. Sometimes it’s the missed opportunity to build skills like problem solving, critical thinking, and resourcefulness.
These are the kids who grow into adults that employers and hiring managers talk about online:
Parents coming to job interviews.
Adult children having their parents call in sick for them.
Young adults who can’t dress appropriately for work, show up on time, or complete tasks by deadlines.
To be frank, it’s embarrassing—and it’s preventable.
The compromise: become a co‑pilot, not a bulldozer
So what’s the alternative?
Think of yourself as the co‑pilot. Your child is the captain of the aircraft. The captain is the ultimate authority, responsible for final decisions and legal compliance. And yes, your child really is the legal authority when it comes to their college academics, in accordance with FERPA.
The co‑pilot supports, watches for safety risks, and steps in when necessary—but does not take over every control.
When it comes to things like dual enrollment:
Your child can (and should) complete their own college application.
Your child can call the appropriate department to ask for help when they’re confused.
You can absolutely sit nearby, help them find the phone number, brainstorm questions, or debrief afterward.
If you’re afraid your child might “mess up” the application, take a deep breath: it is much easier to fix a college application than it is to fix an academic record.
Allowing your child to experience safe failures before they reach college or high‑stakes career situations actually strengthens their skills, abilities, and confidence. Safe failures teach them:
“I can figure things out.”
“I can recover from mistakes.”
“I know how to ask for help.”
I write more about safe failures in a related blog post, and it’s one of my favorite topics.
What If Failure Is the Secret to Your Child’s Success?
If this stings a little, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. It means you love your child and you’re realizing there may be a better way to support them.
I’ve written dual enrollment handbooks for training high school counselors and for onboarding new dual enrollment staff. I am more than confident I can help you navigate the dual enrollment process in a way that builds your child’s independence instead of bulldozing it.
I understand that you are also learning these systems. You’re not supposed to just “know” how all of this works. And you don’t have to figure it out alone.
If you want your child to develop the skills they need for college and beyond—without you having to micromanage everything—let’s work together. I offer coaching for families who want to move from bulldozer parenting to co‑pilot parenting, especially around dual enrollment and early college experiences. Reach out to schedule afree consultation so we can build a plan that supports both you and your student.
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