You Can’t Do Executive Functioning Without This…
I’ve been noticing this buzzword floating around the world of higher education and child development: executive function. According to the Cleveland Clinic, executive function refers to skills you use to manage everyday tasks like making plans, solving problems, and adapting to new situations. In other words, executive function is your ability to get tasks done—efficiently, effectively, and timely.
I recently attended a webinar about executive function and college success. One of the women leading the webinar runs an executive function coaching business, making her an expert in the area. Many of the coaching tips she shared for college success aligned closely with the academic skill techniques and study strategies I’ve coached my students on. It was affirming to hear that these tools really do support executive function.
She shared a story about a student who needed to complete a very simple task: submitting an assignment. The student had already completed the assignment but couldn’t bring themself to upload the document and hit “submit” (and not because of lack of computer literacy). As the student’s coach, she jumped on a video call simply to provide moral support while the student completed the task. The stress and pressure this student was putting on themself were released by a task that took less than 30 seconds. I believe we have all been there—that’s the art of procrastination.
However…
That story made something click for me. Jumping on a call for moral support may have been exactly what that student needed in the moment. But it highlighted a major missing piece in many conversations about executive function.
The student was capable of the task. They knew what the solution was. This wasn’t a new situation, so there wasn’t much to “adapt” to. The missing piece wasn’t another planner, another reminder, or another strategy.
What was missing was self-efficacy: the belief in themselves that they could do the task.
You cannot fully access executive functioning skills if you don’t first believe you are capable. You can know what to do and how to do it and still freeze if, deep down, you don’t trust yourself.
Okay, parents—listen closely, because this is where you come in.
(And no, of course not all parents. If you’re already doing the work, that’s wonderful. But I need to name a pattern I see often.)
Students who have difficulty completing tasks often struggle with believing in themselves for a variety of reasons. A few examples:
The bulldozer parent: removes all obstacles, challenges, and does everything for their child.
The “my kid can’t” parent: says things like, “My son/daughter is incapable of completing xyz because I can barely complete xyz.”
The risk-averse parent: is so afraid of their child failing or feeling discomfort that they never allow them to take risks.
As a parent myself, I get it. We’re also working on our own executive function. The world feels like it’s on fire, our to-do list is never ending, and we’re trying not to lose our sh*t while raising decent humans. Procrastination is part of survival mode. And of course we don’t want our kids to feel the way we feel. It’s not fun.
So we bulldoze. We overprotect. We jump in. We think we’re helping.
But our well-intentioned desire to protect our children can actually hurt their ability to develop executive functioning skills and can cause them to constantly doubt themselves. Over time, this can become a form of trauma—teaching them, again and again, “You can’t handle this on your own.”
The point is: students need to believe they are capable.
They need:
Safe spaces to take calculated risks.
Permission to fail and try again.
Adults who model, “I believe you can figure this out,” instead of, “Let me just do it.”
Parents, our role is to be observers and supporters of the process—not the main characters in every task. When we step back (strategically, not carelessly), we give our kids the chance to build both executive function and self-efficacy at the same time.
I can go on and on about this, and likely will in future blog posts, but I want to direct readers to a book that has helped me with my own executive function and helped me defeat procrastination. That is The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. The biggest takeaway for me was how much time I have wasted worrying and stressing about completing something, when actually completing the task would take much less time. I hate feeling the stress or worry. So avoiding this stress is motivation enough for me to execute the tasks I would have ordinarily dreaded, or was afraid to do because of my lack of self-efficacy (fear of failing). Also, I hate living in regret, so I do it scared. This has helped me defeat procrastination.
Executive function, self-efficacy, and procrastination are all connected. They are skills and beliefs that require practice to improve and consistency to maintain. We are not perfect, and that is absolutely okay. But if we practice self-awareness and stop neglecting ourselves, we will show up better for ourselves—and for the next generation.
For more than 15 years, I’ve been coaching people on building self-efficacy and strengthening their executive function skills so they can move from stuck to successful. If you believe you or your child could benefit from this kind of support, I invite you to schedule a free consultation with me. Together, we can create a plan that helps build trust in self, take action, and move toward a desired future.
Book recommendations and resources:
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/executive-function
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle